From us, To women who will marry soon

Violence in the family

Mrs. B., a legal secretary from New Jersey

“… got her first black eye from her husband two weeks after their marriage, after an argument. Her husband went to bed. She turned on the light. Infuriated, he smashed the radio, stereo, coffee table, then clapped his hands sharply over her ears, bursting an eardrum. She told her friends she had been hit in the face with a surfboard. He last beat her when she was seven months pregnant, knocking her down a flight of stairs, rupturing her spleen, necessitating an operation, and causing premature delivery of the infant” (W. King, 1977, in Schaefer, 1983).

Wife battering, child abuse, elder abuse, and other forms of domestic violence are common happenings in a family. According to the family therapist Robert Marks, “Violence in the home is nothing new at all. What has happened is that, for the first time, it is being discussed outside the home” (W. King, 1977, in Schaefer, 1983).

Sociologists have stated that domestic violence is hard to measure because people are reluctant to turn in their family members to the police. A researcher has stated that 20 to 40 percent of couples seeking divorce seek divorce because of the physical abuse that happens in their relationship. “Three other studies, including one in Canada, revealed a similar incidence of violence among married couples who were not contemplating divorce.” Moreover, in 1980, 16 percent, more than 2000, of murder victims in America were killed by their own family members (Department of Justice, 1981; Steinmetz, 1975; Strauss et al., 1979, in Schaefer, 1983).

According to the sociologist Murray Strauss’ estimation, at least 8 million Americans are assaulted every year by members of their family. He observes: “For any typical American citizen, rich or poor, the most dangerous place is home” (Time, 1979, in Schaefer, 1983).

“That’s no lady. That’s my wife!”

“A classic field experiment in violence involved ‘spontaneous fights’ staged by the researcher on public streets” (Borofsky et al., 1971, in Hess, Markson, & Stein, 1991). “There were four different scenarios: two women fighting, two men fighting, a woman beating a man, and a man beating a woman.” The goal was to observe the reactions of the bystanders. It could be expected that male bystanders are more willing to intervene than female bystanders but none of the male bystanders stopped the man who was beating a woman. At that time, the late 1960s, the experimenters thought that it might be that the male bystanders did not intervene because of the “uniqueness” and “ridiculousness” of the sight. The experimenters also allowed the possibility that the male bystanders did not intervene because they enjoyed seeing a man hurt a woman (Hess, Markson, & Stein, 1991).

When students were asked why the male bystanders did not stop the man from hurting the woman was maybe because the woman was the wife of the man. It can be concluded that a man has a right to use physical force on his wife, even in public. “This conclusion is supported by recent research on the ‘drunken-bum’ theory of wife beating, in which it was found that although excessive drinking was associated with abusive behavior, it was a much less significant factor than the cultural approval of violence by men against women in general and wives in particular” (Kantor & Straus, 1987, in Hess, Markson, & Stein, 1991). Excessive drinking and the accepted use of violence are more done by the working-class than the middle-class males (Hess, Markson, & Stein, 1991).

From us, To women who will marry soon

The two articles tell us that domestic violence, especially violence towards women or wives, do happen in families. It does not happen only in America or other foreign countries but also in the Philippines. It has even been concluded in the article "That's no lady, That's my wife!" that men are having the right to use physical force on their wives, even in public.

Knowing the fact that domestic violence, especially the violence towards women or wives, do exist, you, women, who will soon marry must be careful in choosing the man that you will marry. Before marrying a man, make sure that he loves you sincerely that he will not think of hurting you, emotionally and physically. Again, be careful in choosing him!

Reference List

Hess, B. B., Markson, E. W., & Stein, P. J. (1991). Sociology (4th ed.). New York, 

       New York: Macmillan Publishing Company.

Schaefer, R. T. (1983). Sociology. United States of America: McGraw-Hill, Inc.