Crazy Beautiful You

          In every society, there is culture. Culture varies from place to place. It is acquired and learned. Socialization is the process of learning the culture. (Eitzen and Zinn, 1991) It starts at birth and ends at death. As we dissect its parts, we'll learn that one of the primary agents of socialization is the family. With here, we start the discussion about how the enculturation in the family either be accepted or rejected by its members using several theories as our lenses in analyzing their behavior. 

          The story of Crazy Beautiful You started with a rebellious teenager, Jacqueline Pascual. Jackie grew up in a broken family. She was left in her father's place while her mother and brother went abroad. By her father having married again for the second time, she became the middle-born in her family. Base on Frank Sulloway's Birth-Order Effect, almost all the traits especially the feeling of being unloved and neglected manifested in Jackie. The abandonment of Jackie's mother of her family led to something that made her rebellious. She reacted against everything that her father wants and treated him as if nothing. She became more attached to her peers and the social media. On the other hand, there is Kiko. He also came from a broken family. He was the oldest son of their town mayor's second family. But as opposed to Jackie, Kiko remained as a loyal son to the mayor and even acted as his right hand in helping the residents especially the indigenous people. As Sulloway's theory has stated, some traits has also manifested in him. (e.g., good leadership, determined, pressured, and people pleaser) I believe that this biological explanation for Jackie's rebellion and Kiko's loyalty may be a part of a person, but what makes a person a 'person' really is built in her/his socialization process. 

          One theory which fits this topic is George Herbert Mead's "The Social Self". This theory believes that the 'self' or a person's perception about herself is built by how social experience develops an individual's personality. Jackie's first most extreme social experience happened when she was still a young girl. Her parents got in to fight and decided to separate. Her mom left with her older brother and she felt devastated for being left with her father who is not really emotionally attached to her. She grew up with only her nannies taking care of her deprived of a mother figure and a father's love. She then started to see herself or her 'self' to her peers who badly influenced her. She became a social deviant because of this experience. But if we are to analyze Kiko's experience, the result will be the other way around. In Kiko's case, he was empowered. He reacted to that social phenomenon, positively. He didn't let the issue take over him and manipulate him. Instead, he used it to become the source of his strength and against his inability to helping people because of his economic status. He became the role model for her siblings and almost everybody in their town. 

          Both Jackie and Kiko were shaped by their social experiences inside their homes. They experienced almost the same case but came out differently. They were socialized by their families in a way other 'normal' families would differently do. The way they acted out in the socialization process that they undergone could I either bring a positive or negative impact that the culture they are forming and/dealing with if passed to future generations.

“‘It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" - Alfred Lord Tennyson-

                     It is indeed true that being in love is different from just love, and that love is never lost- it may change but it still there. Being in love and being loved in return was one of the best things that happened to me, with all its sorrows and joys I never had any regrets that I learned to love that someone.  

                    I can find no exact words to describe how I felt. It was that calm feeling of watching the warm sun set home slowly over the horizon when you don’t know where you’re going, or staring at the bright full moon while walking in a dark empty street, or seeing the stars shine brightly overhead on top of a mountain after a day’s worth of hiking, or like winning a game when you thought you were going to lose, or passing an exam you expected to fail. It was also like walking blindfolded on a narrow ledge- you cannot be truly certain on what tomorrow might bring. It was a game of chance and choice and the risks are high, it was love for me.

                Our love did not grow out of a long friendship but I was always infatuated with him- there was just something with those eyes and smile that made me felt comfort. He was a year older than me so our paths rarely met since we had our own social groups, until chance brought us together and gave us a reason to keep on seeing each other again. We were physically attracted to one another and soon enough became intimate. He was already in college by then while I still had a year left in high school but we made sure that we spend some time together.  In the middle of our relationship he was always too busy, making the relationship cool. It was during the summer before I started college that the fire between us was rekindled, and this time it was stronger. Since he was going to the local college in our province while I studied in the city, whenever there was a long break I travel home to visit him.

 It was during those rare moments we were together that I learned to value time and to appreciate simple gestures - keeping them to last for the months that lay ahead, months that we were 200 kilometers apart. One evening as the full moon shone brightly, we were conversing over the phone talking about how beautiful the moon looked like- wishing we were together. Our love was like that- we may rise every day under the same sun, be shined upon by a night sky filled with a thousand stars, and witness a lot of other wonderful things always wishing that the person you love was there to share in your happiness- but it’s too far away.

Eventually the distance was just too far and the waiting too long- We broke up and now he’s happy with someone else. Our friends still tease us and say “Sayang…” yes it was a waste we didn’t hold on a bit longer but that was the best part of being in love- letting go. I only realized the extent of my love when I let him go. Over the long summer I met him unexpectedly in his hometown. I just crossed the road and when I looked back over someone shouting my name, I saw him. There was a bustling road between us and we were at opposite sides, he was headed north I was headed south. Another time I passed him by on the same road, I decided to pretend not to notice him but he called my name so I turned back and waved him goodbye. While waiting for our jeep, I was watching him- seeing him smile and laugh around made me smile, and as I departed I knew I made the right choice.

There are still times that I remember him out of the blue, and knowing that he’s in love with someone else brings me both pain and joy but what’s over is over, some things are better left where they are and it might take time to realize all this but once you do-it’s a new you.

In ROTC, one of our activities was wall and free-wall rappelling.  At first, I was dead nervous and felt so scared that I held tight to the ledge- I screamed and when I tried to let go I kept getting back- clutching as if I’d fall to death if I let go. After some time I realized I was getting nowhere- I had to make this decision by my own and trust in that decision. So I tried, I let go of the ledge and started rappelling and while hanging down from the rope I felt really good that I shouted out of pure joy. I did it and I can do it again.

Taga-Amo courtship: A courtship practice in Pangasinan

Taga-Amo courtship: A courtship practice in Pangasinan

                                                                                     

         Various forms of courtship and marriage practices have been noted among Filipinos.

          

          There are eight  modes of courtship common to Pangasineses and these includes serenading, reciting verses, writing of love letters, sending of gifts, flowers and other symbolic objects like two carved hearts held by an arrow, visiting, go between and  involves an object known as Taga- amo which means potion or drink.

          

          Taga-amo courtship should be taken to mean courtship by means of charm and its Tagalog term is Panggayuma.

         

          Taga-amo is not only meant to be drunk but it can also be in a form of oil dipped in herbs. When the oil is rubbed on a woman’s skin, it is believed that this woman will be a slave in love even if she hates the man at first. Pangasinan is located at the foot of the Mountain Province; that’s why it seems that the sources of the love potions are the Igorots and other tribes in the Mountain Province.

      

          Taga-amo could be related to the strictness of the parents. No touch policy of parents is not merely towards conservatism or puritanism but to avoid the danger of one’s daughter falling to the evil charms of the Taga-amo. This practice has no scientific basis yet, but the fact that it was widely believed in the province provides a reason that it is true and effective.

          

          Courtships don’t always result to tragic situations wherein the lover threatens to commit suicide because usually she confesses her feelings. It is only after marriage that suicide is discovered to be a palabas or put on an act. There’s no choice but for things to happen that way because the girl who immediately reciprocates is looked upon with low standards.